I was flipping through old trip journals the other day and came across the piece below. If memory serves me correctly I wrote it sitting in the Kuujjuarapik Airport, where we spent the better part of two days waiting for our flight out after paddling the Great Whale/Coats Rivers. Although I might have written this earlier on the trip… Part 2 was definitely written in the airport… anyways, doesn’t matter. Not long after getting back I was talking with a friend about fear, and said I’d share my thoughts, and then never did. But anyways, here is part 1. Mainly for that 1 friend. Also, I spent zero time editing or improving this. So yeah, stream of consciousness rambles from northern Quebec.
Fear is an odd, confusing thing that I often struggle to deal with. I don’t like to feel fearful, and yet, I often do. What’s hard is figuring out when fear is something to push through, and when it is simply something to accept, not to fight. It can be tricky to distinguish between when fear is stopping me from something I really want to do, and when it’s simply a part of who I am, not something that needs to be ‘fixed.’
For instance, I’d be scared to try high speed downhill biking. And so what? Not everyone needs to be an adrenaline junkie, and there’s no reason to pretend to be someone I’m not. Conversely, I’m sometimes intimidated by whitewater, but falling prey to this fear stops me from progressing as a paddler, which is something I want for myself, even if the path to that goal is intimidating at times. Thus, this is a fear worth pushing through.
Of course, not all fears relate to physical risks, but for me personally that tends to be where I most often feel that fear is holding me back. In all cases, the challenge is distinguishing between fears that are a natural part of me that should be accepted, and those that are holding me back and should be pushed through. Not always an easy line to define!
Kim Plays Outside 